Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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