here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
