Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Barsexuality is the new black.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
