probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
