Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
