i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
