i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
