do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
