Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
