so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
