Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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