so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
