we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
This is my gift to your gina
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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