I'm going to jail i love you
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Operation Purity has been aborted
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize