If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
