I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize