I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
