My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
