yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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