I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Drunk is a universal language darling
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