I'd wear matching sweaters with you
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
