Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize