my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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