Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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