the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
