I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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