it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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