and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
