Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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