I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
