Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
