you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
