end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
