I wish I could punch you in the face.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
