And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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