Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize