i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
