Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
