i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I queefed so loud it echoed.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
