come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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