I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
