I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize