I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
