I have demons in me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
