2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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