those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
