I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize