last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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