You work out of a Hotel?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
