My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
