the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
