now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
How external is "for external use only"?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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