Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
