That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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