doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
