Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I fill condoms, not promises.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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