I puked a lego.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
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