I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
