I wish my penis had an off switch
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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