I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
