he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
