dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Too much gin, very little bucket
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize