Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
